Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize