Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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