Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
the raccoons are back...
Randomize