Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
