I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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