Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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