Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
