i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
