this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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