I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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