So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
