I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize