I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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