And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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