So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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