I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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