My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize