I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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