Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
