My Higher Power is John Stamos
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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