there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
