it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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