wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize