Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
