Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
