how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is my gift to your gina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
