I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
