i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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