Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
