the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
