oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They took my balls.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
