I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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