Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize