I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She bit a glass in half.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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