You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
