is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
