Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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