I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
