I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
