I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh god it's open bar.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
