You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
