I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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