she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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