I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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