Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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