Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
