I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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