well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
