Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
