i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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