recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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