Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
