Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to make out with him forever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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