Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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