That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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