It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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