Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
