she woke up with a sticky ear
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
