Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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