maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
