um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
