just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
