The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
