i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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