Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
