We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
