White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
