i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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