So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
