have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
