Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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