Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
