i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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