my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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