I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
